Tomatos!

Ok let me metaphor for a second

say you like tomatos cause there red but you dont like them cause there squashy
but you like cucumbers because there crunchy but dont like them cause there not red
and say you like strawberries bcause there red and sweet but you dont like them cause there not a fruit.
make any sense

like one guy is respectful of ur body and funny and sweet but he doesnt seem to like you as much as youd like him to
and then another guy would totally disrespect the fact that u didnt want him to touch you or whatever but then would say he thought u were too hot for him and that hed be lucky to be with you
another guy would be respectful and nice but he just wouldnt be tomato

like its weird how people can offer you so many different things
and you never truely know wat u want more
cause you only want what you dont have

maybe im just hard to please

needs

I realised today
Im a very needy person
I always thought I was like miss independant, turns out im fricken not.
Very scary realisation
like very
I always thought I dont need anybody
but I didn't see the people I was constantly relying on and the new recruits I was dragging in to be part of my support group.
It doesnt matter who the person is, even somebody ive never met can be part of it.
but most of the people in my support group now are people to talk to, gone are the action doing people its just chit chat discussion people, which are nowhere near as useful in the support group as the action people. The action people got ur back 24/7 no hour is too late or too early if you want something, you know theyll help.
I have no action people
I need action people
or even person
someone
to do you a favour
someone
who'll put your needs before theres
because
they care.

and should I be annoyed that my newest recruit doesnt want to be an action person just yet
or should I wait and see does he start to care?
or should I just give up now and let him go.
was he perfect
almost
and did he care?
does he?
or will he ever?
or am I too needy to wait and find out

Maybe?

My god
I hate
like
relationships and the likes with boys

its hard to know things
without like experience
ya know

you come you go
but you never really learn anything
cause every situation is usually so different

I cant imagine wat a person who was a good match for me would be like, or where I might find such a person.
like I am capable of getting along with lots of types of people
ya see I'd like someone smart because I really cant cope when people dont understand me but people who are smart normally think im stupid and are really arrogant nd snobby usually posh, (I know im sterotyping but it seems to be a trend in my life) I like people to think im smart so that doesnt work for me and I CANT stand arrogant people its like somebody is repeatedly stabbing me in the eye when I meet a person like that.

I always feel like people who come from rich backrounds and stuff just wont get me cause im sooo not into the whole oh yeah that ''knacker''(poor person) is gonna start on us (ie start a fight) lets go hide in mummys mercedis till he leaves. Like defiently no to you Mr! even though e could be rich and iam quite fond of money.

So then theres the other side of it theres the bad guy kinda player that I happen to find really sexy and i dont really care about having an exclusive relationship so wouldnt bother me if the guy was like that, but I love guys who are really sweet, if a guy didnt say sweet things I wouldnt be kept happy im like the type of person who needs to see cute little puppy dogs everyday to be happy.
so i cant win there either.

Basically wat im trying to say is I cant win! which means going for people who perhaps dont fit all the criteria, and then ya know its not going anywhere far and you still have all the stress of it. I just dont know whats the best solution
there must be one!
maybe im just too much of a mixed personality to be happy
maybe
maybe
maybe thats what i say to everything
maybe
wish I would ever write in a blog and say iam sure
maybe thats my problem Im not sure enough about things or people sorry rephrase
that IS my problem.

ok solved
im going to stop being unsure and be sure
that even if someone is seriously lacking in part of the criteria it could stilll work!
well maybe.........

My god i need to blog so much right now!

Ok where to start!

Ill start with this,
Isn't it funny how somebody can say one thing that just makes you stop and say oh shit?
one simple sentence and itll be all you think about for a very long time and it will keep nagging away at you forever.
Like im not the biggest care what people think kinda person i really dont care what people think sometimes,thats why today I wore strippy pink knee high socks in public...but I do care when somebody says something that they think and its a little bit true.

I guess I shuld say where all this is coming from?
Well somebody said to me today that Iam very full of self importance, which is very true. If somebody was annoying me, I probably come across as that because I would feel at the time that the person was being annoying that I was more important then them. but if i was talking to a person who wasnt annoying they'd prob never say that I was any way like that. I dont know wat it is but I always feel like I have to put the obnoxious person down. sooo im thinking about all this which leeds to other thoughts like whats so great about me,im going to fail all my exams!The world is over(u know how u do) and I have this sudden urge just to get out of here but ders no where to go,so I thought i'd blog away to myself instead.

So much is going on in my life right now
I dont know which way to turn
about to take the most important exams of my life
the recession has hit my household abit too hard, gna be drastic measures happening.
recently started to like a boy(which is new for me not cause im a lesbean just bcause i dont really lik people in general)

Omg just had a terrible thought, writting a blog is like comformation of me being full of self importance-all like hello people read about my life-ooooooo :(

well ok
I think im pretty cool
whats wronge with that?
ok im gona fail my exams,
I can live with it.
I like a boy,
i shuld just go with it.
the recession,
everybody has to deal with it, why shouldnt you!

see Im so self obssessed I even solve my own problems,wait I didnt solve anything I just basically said DEAL WITH IT!
I just told myself to Deal with it, well that wasnt very nice of me!

anyway total bable most likely because it is 2am and i am pumped full of anger.
anyway
gonna shut up now




now


now


now

the title of this starts at the very end of the blog i never get to the point!

WHY?
So today I was watching the weekends, Britain Got Talent on the internet and then I was listening to a few ''youtube singers'' who like basically sing covers and some write there own songs its something I watch in my free time its sorta interesting! and also my friend told me she was auditioning for xfactor. I dont know if I said but i've been in stage school since I was 7 that means ten years of acting and dancing and singing, I've seen alot of talented people,ive sung and acted with them most of them are now my best friends.
But!!
not all of them are going to ''make it'' having talent is only half the battle, somebody said he is so wonderful and talented he will go far, eh sorry love it doesnt work like that! I wonder if anybody could count the amount of talented people out there itd be like trying to count the amount of people with eyebrows( you might think everybdy has eyebrows but some people shave them off)
the point
im trying to make is there are talented people everywhere and there gonna feel so disheartened that they never ''made it'' when there 50 and strumming on there guitar strings to an audience of beer bellyed alcos there gonna think ''fuck''.
but its not there fault just the way the world works only a few people slip through the cracks (or perhaps prise them open) and reach stardom.

I kinda wish that everybody had the chance to be recognised for there talent like maybe the people who had one hit wonders had the right idea get ur 10seconds of fame dont be greedy give someone else a chance!
if i was really talented whoever I wouldnt want to be famous but maybe id want to dance on the biggest stage and sing for the biggest crowd, not everyone will get to do that.
what about those people sitting in the accountancy office counting or whatever they do, but underneath it all they have the voice of an angle or the feet of michael flatly! who knows?
I think everyone has a talent however odd I myself can lick my elbow!
so yeah i never really got to the point i was making i just rambeled on,
the question i wanted to ask in this blog is
why do certain people make it?
Is it because they have more talent than the others or something extra special?
Is it because they have connections or money?
or is it just because thats how it was planned?

I guess its not about fame its about having something you love to do and that you are good at and holding it close to you-hey you might not make any money off it but atleast youll have some fun times!

Sacrifice?

HEY someone who reads this-
today I have another question without an answer.
This is the topic:
comprimise/sacrifice essential???

comprimise is basically sacrificing something because you havta sacrifice what you wanted to reach a comprimise so im going to conclude that they're the same thing.

The first thing I was thinking about is ideals theres a few
theres money
theres love and theres other personal ones
I think love and money would be two main ones though.
I wonder how easy it is/ essential it is to sacrifice one for the other?
So take for example a goldigger they may sacrifice wealth for love! and how hard would it be to have everything you wanted day by day but not love the person ur with?(can you learn to love someone?).
What about A women who knows shes marrying a poor man she sacrifices wealth for love, but can love last with the pressures of low income nawing at it?
Obviously in an
Ideal situation you can have both if your lucky.

Then theres another area were I found this whole sacrifice thing

Ok so my theory is if someone seems like they have the perfect life something bad will happen. If someone seems like the perfect person they must have atleast one thing imperfect.

For example: A boy who is very smart and charming may be extremly ugly.
A rich family with the perfect house and car maybe have a family history of cancer
take Britney spears beautiful attractive talented husband kids then shaved head!

basically what im trying to say is you cant have everything somewhere theres a sacrifice whether you've made it or not.

I would consider being a goldigger I think but unless i was gna become a hippy I wouldnt trade love for money.
I dont know what my actual sacrifice for myself is but ill let you know if I come down with a life threatening disease.

I think theres probrarly little sub sections of a big sacrifice aswell like I might be a bit intelligent but i cant spell, I might be good at being creative but no good at drawing,you get it?
I dont know if its clear what i'm trying to get at but hopefully the drift is there.

Now you know what I do be thinking when I'm daydreaming away....
xxx

Depressingly awakening thought for the day

Hey babes!

I had time to relect today so I have atleast alittle bit of something to talk about.

I went to see the Twilight film, having read the books I knew that the character of Edward was supposed to be absolutly perfect, I thought ha thatll never translate into film that was until I see Robert Pattinson. He just was perfect,good make-up good camera angels I dont know but he was just perfect.(lets just say If I had a boyfriend who looked like him I wouldnt mind that he'd be like 300 and that he really wanted to eat me and could eat me at anymoment-itd be worth it)
I've always lived by the rule that nobodys perfect
and
then I was thinking about imagination, we all create these perfect people in our minds, how can anybody possibly match our imagination.
Even subconsciously we all have this vision of someone perfect
and along comes the normal people who live on planet earth who just aren't perfect
Is it dissapointing?
but than reality is always gonna be disappointing to your imagination.
Think about it!
You can create yourself a new life
You can dream up perfect people that you've never met
You can dream that the people you have met are as perfect as the people you haven't
You can dream
A big house
Fast car
bigger tits
thinner waist
bigger muscles
and you can dream bigger than that
dream your a Queen or a King
dream you can fly
dream you are flying
dream your
someone you know you never could be
You can imagine things that are better than anything in this world
but
whatever you dream your still gonna wake up in the morning
dissappointed
cause this is reality
and you cant create things in reality
you can try
you can audition to be the next big star, you can try climb the ladder
doesnt mean youll make it
you can stand outside the stage door and wait for your favourite actor doesn't mean he's going to fall in love with you.

Alls you can do is dream...zzzzz....

but life is better than your imagination
cause
life is full of suprises